Motherhood is made of small yet significant moments

It amazes me how wonderful and not so wonderful being a mother can be. One moment Savanna and/or Clark will be doing something that fills my heart with joy and the next minute they can be doing something that annoys me or stresses me out. It seriously is an emotional roller coaster. I have found that I have a tendency to try to make every moment "perfect" with my children . I want to have all those warm fuzzy moments when I can't get enough of them and feel like being a mother is one of the greatest blessings in my life (which it is of course). I also want to create positive memories with my children where they remember me as a happy, fun mom while they were growing up. However, I am learning not to cower away as much though from those not so fun moments because let's be honest they happen but there are learning experiences in them as well. I'm trying to be easier on myself when I don't feel like I handled a parenting challenge perfectly (I have a tendency to beat myself over things.) Because I have to be honest I have lost my patience with my kids or wondered if I was too easy or too hard with them when disciplining (Obviously not talking about any type of verbal or physical abuse but sometimes I'll wonder "Did I take too many privileges away from Savanna? or I'll get really mad at myself whenever I raise my voice to one of them which unfortunately does happen once in a while). Anyway, but I'm learning that parenting is a journey and I have to give myself a break when I make mistakes. Also it is okay for our kids to be sad and it is ok if we have moments of frustration as parents. It is through sorrow that we can really experience true joy right? Anyway, here are a few collections of my recent "joyous" experiences as a mother and my "not so fun" experiences as a mother. I'm mainly documenting them so I will remember them but hopefully some of them will make you smile.

Joyous Moments

• Having Savanna tell me with a very proud look on her face, "You are my mommy. I am your daughter."
• Having Clark pat me on the back from his high chair when I'm cleaning up another one of his messes and looking up at him to see him grinning from ear to ear at me.
• Hearing Clark say a new word.
• Getting hugs and kisses from my kids every day
• Watching Savanna run around the house in excitement looking for Easter eggs
• Listening to Savanna read her books. (Note: She does not actually read yet. She does know a few words. She mostly just memorizes her books).
• Watching Savanna use her imagination. Today she told me we are playing a game called "I have a family" and she read books to us and talked about families.
• Tickling Clark and getting him to laugh a big belly chuckle
• Watching Clark give his stuffed animals hugs and kisses
• Seeing Clark flail his arms and legs around when he gets really excited
• Hearing Savanna sing Primary songs
• Hearing Savanna say, "Mommy, guess what?"
• "Hearing Clark say "Ma Ma"

Not so Joyous Moments

• The fact that Clark throws his food on the floor almost every single meal
• Changing Clark's diaper (He hates it and tries to get away ever time).
• Getting poop all over my clothes yesterday when Clark had a diarrhea blow out (we think it must have been the Easter candy because he does not seem sick at all).
• Putting Savanna in time out and having her get out five or six times and having to put her back in and reset the timer.
• Savanna peeing on the floor the other night because she did not make it the downstairs toilet in time because she would not pee in the upstairs toilet in her bathroom because it had "blue stuff" in it. (She could have gone in TC's and I's bathroom but oh well). I had forgotten to flush it after I had cleaned the toilets earlier. (Note: She is very particular about her toilets. Also she hardly ever has accidents. The last time she had an accident I think was last August.)
• Having to take Clark out of sacrament meeting because he was getting upset because I would not let him crawl up to the stand
• Listening to Savanna scream her high pitch scream (It seriously leaves my ears ringing sometimes. She does it when she is really excited.)
• Cleaning up the same messes multiple times a day.

Anyway, I'm sure there is more of the joyous and difficult moments but that is what I can think of right now. I gotta love those two little rascals! And everything that is worthwhile is hard work right?

Easter Weekend

We had a great Easter weekend! I hope all of you did too. On Friday night we threw a surprise birthday party for TC's sister, April. It was a lot of fun and we pulled it off. She was totally surprised!! There was a good number of her friends and family that came and many others who wish they could have been there but were out of town for the holiday weekend. Anyway, it seemed like the evening was a success. Savanna was so excited for the party and was the first one to run out and yell surprise. She made some friends there as well.

Saturday was a fun day. We went to a city Easter egg hunt and also took a picture on a fire truck and with the Easter bunny. The Easter egg hunt was seriously over in less than a minute. There was just candy, eggs, stuffed animals, etc strewn across this big field. Savanna was nervous when all the kids charged forward to the eggs and candy so I helped her a bit. She still only got a couple of things while other kids' baskets were overflowing with goodies. Oh well! After that we took pictures on our fire truck and with the Easter bunny. We finished the morning with the kids playing on the playground. Later that afternoon we died Easter eggs and watched a Winnie the Pooh easter movie.

Sunday morning Savanna and Clark woke up to find candy and Easter eggs hid all over the house. Savanna LOVED finding all of the eggs. Then they enjoyed diving into their Easter baskets. I think the Easter bunny got a little carried away this year with the candy! We seriously need to give it away or something. He must have got it in bulk at Win Co or something and not realized how much he was getting... Anyway, then we ate breakfast and I attempted to deliver a spiritual message which I cried through and th kids ran around not paying attention to me. We also sang some Primary easter songs. Then we went to church and came home and had dinner. April and her roommate came over for dinner. It was a very enjoyable weekend and I was grateful for the opportunity to reflect more on the atonement and the resurrection of the Savior. How grateful I am to Him. I tried to explain to Savanna the meaning of Easter throughout the week. It seemed to go in one ear and out the other but I know that some of it must be sinking in! Happy Springtime! Let's hope this weather starts getting better so it feels more like spring!

Happy Anniversary My Love!

6 years ago today TC and I were sealed for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake Temple. I'm so grateful to my wonderful husband and love him more every day. He is so patient, kind, and takes such wonderful care of me and our two little ones. He makes me laugh and will listen to me talk and talk and talk. He can be a talker too but I'm working on being as a good of a listener as him. He is a calming influence on me when I get worked up or worried over little things. We are a great match! We are having a big anniversary date next weekend but he still surprised me today when I got a text message notifying me that he named a star after me in honor of our anniversary. So sweet! (Still trying to think of exactly what to get for TC. I'm going to give it to him on our date. ) Anyway, I love you TC! Thank you for marrying me 6 years ago and filling those years with so much love and happiness! Also today was a special day because my brother, Spenser, got engaged! He proposed to his now fiance, Kristine, after they sky dived. We are so excited and happy for them! Kristine will be a great addition to the family!

Savanna Update-40 months old (3 years 4 months)

So it feels like Clark has been getting all the attention on our blog lately with him turning one and all. It seems like it has been a bit since I've done an update on Savanna so here it is. Savanna continually cracks us up and is a joy to have in our family. She continues to be our little helper. She behaves herself well the majority of the time though sometimes pushes or hits her little brother. 90% of the time or more when she gets put in time out it is because of something naughty she did to Clark. Savanna had a hard time for about 3 or 4 days around Clark's birthday. I think she was a bit jealous of all the attention he was getting. On the morning of Clark's birthday party I told her "We are having a party tonight!' She looked really excited and said "For me?" (I was a bit sad about having to tell her it was for Clark and not her). Savanna's new obsession this month is PUZZLES! She is loving her Princess puzzles (thanks Aleta and Bryan! Seriously some of Savanna's favorite birthday presents are ones our friends got for her-way to outshine TC and I!) Honestly I don't love puzzles. I get bored with them after a few minutes but I still try to help her. TC loves them so it has become a fun daddy/daughter activity. When she is not wanting to do a puzzle she still loves to play games, dance in the living room to the Tangled soundtrack, jump on her trampoline, read her books, and run around the house pretending to be Cinderella. She is still loving her gym class and getting together with friends. I love how she will name friends that she has and have a proud look on her face when she says it. It is nice to see her getting socially connected with other children because a year ago she could care less about other kids. I would get together with my friends and she would only want to play with me and would ignore the other kids. Though her favorite friend still remains Cinderella (imaginary friends count right?). She loves going to birthday parties and primary. I am told she is very reverent and well behaved in primary but does not say much. We love our little Savanna so much! I just have to end this post with some of Savanna's recent funny/sweet quotes. She makes us laugh every day. (Notice that she has a bit of an obsession with becoming a woman someday!) 1."Mommy you are a woman and Daddy is a man. When I grow up I will be a woman and Clark will be a man." 2."Mommy when I'm a woman I will wear a bra like you." 3. "When I'm a woman I will graduate college like you Mommy." (this was while looking at my photo albums when I graduated from grad school). 4. "When I'm a woman I will marry Garrett." 5. " We do not marry girls Mommy! We marry boys!" 6. "Daddy your belly looks smaller." 7. "Mommy you look skinny!" (made me feel great) 8. "Mommy is there a baby in your tummy?" (did not make me feel so great. Maybe she is just hoping.. Sorry sweetie, not yet. Just felt like I had a baby) 9. "I'm giving you a hug Mommy because I love you." (melt my heart!) 10. "I love my cute little mom." 11."Look at that little Clark! He is so cute! Look at his cute little ears, look at his cute little arm." 12. "Mommy I like your cute little skin!" 13. "I'm not a baby mom I'm a big baby." 14. "Cinderella is my friend." 15. While looking at photo albums of TC's and I's wedding pictures Savanna: "I was not there because I was not born." Me:"Yes you were still in heaven." Savanna:"Yes I was in heaven with Heavenly Father and Jesus." 16. (while looking at the temple from the car) "That is Jesus's house! He lives there!" 17. "I'm really good at puzzles aren't I? Mommy you are not good at puzzles." Anyway those are some of the ones I could think of. And her favorite question is still WHY? Around what age do they stop asking that all the time?

Clark's 1 year Stats

So we took Clark to the doctor today for his 12 month checkup and he is healthy and doing well. I think his hernia is officially gone so looks like he will not have to get surgery! That is fantastic news! I am very relieved. The doctor did not have any health concerns at all. I asked her advice about weaning and she told me I could do it anytime and he will eventually drink milk hopefully. We will see. Trying to decide between the cold turkey method or dropping feedings one at a time. Already dropped a feeding and replaced it with yogurt since he is still not taking the milk. So I just have to brag about my little guy for a minute. The doctor was very impressed when we told her that we have heard him say between 10-15 words (and we both have heard him say all these words because sometimes TC and I will look at each other and ask, "Did he just say that?"). He is also starting to mimic words when we say them which she thought was great. She told us he is advanced with his language (at least for now, watch I'll jinx myself and he won't say anything else for awhile.) Words that we have heard him say include (not sure if I remember them all): ma ma, da da, hi, bye, up, uh oh, please, door, juice (though it does not quite sound like juice but it says it every time for juice), dressed (for getting dressed), mine, "all done". His favorite phrase still continues to be "Hi da da." (Ma ma is often said when distressed. How is that fair?) Here are Clark's stats. He is not in as high percentiles as he was at 9 months but still pretty big. I think the nurse may have measured his height wrong (I think he is taller) but nonetheless he is a healthy boy! Length: 30.5 inches (75th percentile) Weight: 26 pounds 5 ounces ( 90th percentile) Head Circumference: 18 3/4 inches (90th percentile)

"One Thing Needful"

SO I feel like I'm going real introspective with my posts lately but I guess I've been having a lot of thoughts so bear with me. I try not to get too personal but I still enjoy expressing some of the ideas I'm thinking. Hopefully some of you will be able to relate to some of what I'm saying or if not oh well because this blog is still just as much for me as others if not more. It serves as a journal to document events, updates, and impressions and I would continue making posts even if no one else read it. Anyway, so my mom sent me this great talk by Sister Holland. Click on the title of this post to get to it. It was very uplifting and reminded me that I do not need to be like others but can just be happy being myself and the best version of myself. I don't know what it is but ever since becoming a mother and staying at home with them I've wondered if I'm cut out for this homemaking thing. My kids are well fed, I do the laundry, clean the house every week, grocery shop,and attempt to keep things somewhat in order. Should be enough for me right? No. I feel like I'm often down on myself because I'm not "crafty" enough. Honestly I hate crafts. I hate to sew. I don't make homemade jam and Savanna will never go out of the house in a cute little outfit I've made because I would not want her to feel embarrassed (though I did make one skirt for her or should I say my neighbor who is amazing at sewing made it for her!) But over and over again I have to tell myself that "It is ok that I don't like to do crafts. I can develop other skills." And yes I have tried sewing and still did not like it. I'm not saying we should not develop new skills but I think we need to give ourselves permission to not be good at things. None of us are perfect. I know we always compare our weaknesses to other people's strengths as well. Some of you are probably thinking well I'm great at crafts but I can't do this and this and this. So what? I'm trying to remember to focus on my strengths. I still am trying to improve myself but be patient with my imperfections rather than always putting myself down. I'm vaguely remembering talking about this a little bit in a previous post awhile ago so sorry if I'm repeating myself a bit but I guess it needs repeating at least for me. Anyway, I just think it is important to remember that each of us are individuals with so much to offer. One of my strengths will help someone else and vice versa. Rather than feeling threatened by each other I think we should try more to learn from each other. Ok off my soapbox.. for now at least! Have a good day!

Trips down Memory Lane

So this past month I have had some experiences that have brought me back in time and made we wonder to myself, "When did I grow up?" I'm married, have two degrees, two kids, and a mortgage. Where did the time go? In May it will be 10 years ago that I graduated high school! WHAT?!? I usually am just caught up in my day to day routines of trying to take care of my kids, TC, the house, exercise, go to church, etc, etc, etc that I do not take much time to reflect on where I've been and how it has led me to where I am today. However, this past month has brought me back in time a little bit. First, going back home to Florida brought back memories of being younger. I got to see a lot of people in church that I haven't seen in awhile and connected with some family and friends. Talking about memories and laughing made me remember experiences that I have not thought about in a long time. Then I went through some old letters, cards and pictures in my room from high school. Wow, it made me feel like I was 16 again (and reminded me how immature I was-lol. Actually I like to believe that I was mature as a teenager but there is definitely a difference between now and then. Thank goodness right? I don't write notes to my friends and photo shop our pictures with guys we liked in the notes-lol.) It was a bit of an out of body experience for me. For a couple of hours I felt like I was 16 again and I remembered how I would dream about going to college, getting married and having a family. Then here I am years later with my two kids sleeping in the next room. Usually it seems like forever ago that I was in high school but in that moment it felt like just yesterday. Then I had another trip down memory lane today when I went down to BYU campus to do a mother/baby research study with Clark. I have not Wow, all of those students look so young! Anyway, I couldn't help remembering all the classes I took there, all the people I met and when I met TC. It was kind of weird to be walking around there with a baby. Though everyone is very nice and assisted with opening doors for me. A cute little freshman girl helped me push my stroller while I was trying to carry my food tray. (I thought I looked spastic before I had children...) I had to go and get a wrap and soup from my favorite place at the Cougar Eat. Seriously how do people have babies when they are in school? Don't get me wrong-I do not have anything against it it just seems like it would be very challenging! Anyway, and they added a mother's lounge to one of the women's restrooms on the main floor of the Wilkinson Center which was very convenient. Anyway, but not sure what the point of this story is. I was just thinking about it. I am grateful for all the experiences I've had in my life that have shaped me and made me the person I am today. Though of course I still need a lot of work! But I feel like I am where Heavenly Father wants me to be. I'm very grateful for all the people that have influenced me in my life and I'm grateful for where I am today. Anyway, this song by Rascal Flats kind of sums it up (though I don't know if I would relive every thing from my life but you get the point ....)